Foreplay for the Soul

Thomas Moore 
(Care of the Soul: A Guide for Cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life)
>>An AOM Recommended Book<<
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Care of the soul is a continuous process that concerns itself not so much with "fixing" a central flaw as with attending to the small details of everyday life.

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"How many times do we lose an occasion for soul work by leaping ahead to final solutions without pausing to savor the undertones? We are a radically bottom-line society, eager to act and to end tension, and thus we lose opportunities to know ourselves for our motives and our secrets." 

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"Socrates and Jesus, two teachers of virtue and love, were executed because of the unsettling, threatening power of their souls, which was revealed in their personal lives and in their words." 

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"An eternal question about children is, how should we educate them? Politicians and educators consider more school days in a year, more science and math, the use of computers and other technology in the classroom, more exams and tests, more certification for teachers, and less money for art. All of these responses come from the place where we want to make the child into the best adult possible, not in the ancient Greek sense of virtuous and wise, but in the sense of one who is an efficient part of the machinery of society. But on all these counts, soul is neglected."

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And the ultimate goal?

“It’s to be alive. That’s it. The ultimate thing is to be alive. We come into this life, take a breath, and live. Take it in. Take a big inhale. Die when it’s time, but not before your time. Society is set up on Freud’s death principle. We define all kinds of ways not to live. We make sure children stay in school the rest of their lives, we make sure that some people are not dancing, there’s no alcohol, no life … they say let’s get out there and praise our heroes who are dying. We love our soldiers who are dying, but they don’t care for the beings who are living. ‘Soul” means breath … or to live. The care of the soul means to take your breath in, and live.”

Thomas Moore is an American writer of popular spiritual books including the New York Times best seller, Care of the Soul (1992). He is a psychotherapist influenced by the writings of Carl Jung and James Hillman.

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Valentine 2011

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I'm alone again
On this Valentine's Day
So what shall I do
Weep, sob, depress,
Put on sack cloth and ashes

No!

For though I'm alone
I know a very special someone
To love and care for
Someone who knows me better than I know myself
And still loves me for who I am - warts and all

Me

No tears this year
I'm sending myself flowers and candy
Maybe a movie and my favorite dinner
And of course
A long, luxurious, hot bath

I'll be mine
My special Valentine...LOL

How do I love me
Let me count the ways...LOL

Now don't feel sad for me
I actually enjoy my solitude
And I'm happy for those of you
Who do have that special someone
Enjoy this time together

For me this special day
Is a day for all of us
To do something especially special
For all the special people in our lives.

Especially, yourself.

[taken from AOM]

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Cruising and shell-life

Ever wondered how many old and fugly people preying on young gay people like us? I was logged on to Gaydar Chat and found many private chat invites from these people! I was like WTF!'. Surely I declined all the invites but then what struck me is the fact that - I might be like these people in 10-20 years time! Our youth has shell-life! Oh Goodness! The clock is ticking! Will I be like them? Hopeless, desperate and lonely?

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Tips and tricks

I would like to share this with you....

1.       

Help me button my shirt or adjust my tie in the mirror. When you dress me I just want to get undressed again.

2.       Tug on my earlobe  just a bite with your teeth makes me lose all sense of the English language.

3.       Come home from work and give me a kiss, grab my package…. It’s like. Hel-lo…..

4.       Run your tongue around the perimeter of my belly button. The fact that you’re just inches from my most sensitive spot has me drooling with anticipation.

5.       When we’re having sex and you’re on top, cup my balls and tug on them lightly. It’s an unexpected awesome feeling.

6.       Wear a thin silk shirt with no bra so that your nipples stand at attention, then rub your chest against mine.

7.       The moment I orgasm, kiss me hard, then lick my lips. It’s sensory overload.

8.       During doggie-style, sway your hips in a circle. It creates incredible friction.

9.       Read from a sexy novel and make eye contact when you hit a dirty word.

10.   Multitask during sex, when your on top, massage my chest to the rhythm of your grinding.

11.   Put the condom on me. It’s such a turn-on to see you prep me that way.

12.   Lightly caress the sensitive webbing between my thumb and forefinger. It’s a lusty pressure point.

13.   Swirl your tongue around the tip of my penis, and then, without warning, take all of me in your mouth.

14.   Slowly lift my arms over my head then glide your hands along their undersides, all the way down to my chest.

15.   Just as I’m about to come, clench your pelvic muscles in rapid fire succession. It makes me feel like I’m going to explode, and actually, I do. Wow.

16.   Bite my shoulder whenever you have an orgasm during missionary sex. Very wild and passionate.

17.   When you get into doggie position, spread your legs really wide so I can see all of you.

18.   Make some noise when you’re giving me oral. Hum, moan, anything- the added vibrations go right through me.

19.   I love when our legs get intertwined like a pretzel during sex. It makes me feel like we’re meshing together completely.

20.   Undressing me slowly is the perfect mixture of showing me how much you care about me and how much you want me.

21.   Finger sucking is almost as good as sucking me down below. And here you can use your teeth.

22.   As I enter you missionary style, squeeze your thighs together as tight as you can.

23.   Pull my hair, It’s so primal.

24.   Grab or pat my butt. It’s like you’re telling me it’s okay to go for it.

25.   Gasp or moan heavily when I enter you. It makes me feel really big.

26.   Tie me up with whatever’s available and keep teasing me until my body can’t take it any more.

27.   Oral attention is always nice, but so is attention to the legs and chest. Don’t forget-my body is a wonderland too.

28.   Trim me down below it’s kinky, and the newly defuzzed skin is ultra sensitive.

29.   It I’m on top, raise your butt. It makes the thrusting more intense and shows me that you want to take in all of me.

30.   Get a glazed doughnut and stick my penis through the hole. Nibble around it, stopping to suck me once in a while. The sugar beads from your mouth tingle on my tip.

31.   Run your hand up the side of my stomach. It brings all the blood to the surface of my skin and heats me up.

32.   Lick behind my ear… it’s such a nice addition to traditional ear kissing.

33.   When I’m about to orgasm, make me pull out and let me release in your mouth.

34.   Caress my face and trace the outline of my lips with a finger.

35.   Press the back of my neck. Then run your hands around my shoulders and chest. It’s as if I’am being enveloped by you.

36.   Grab my butt and pull me inside you as we’re doing it. I feel in tune with you.

37.   Kiss me on the nose, eyelids and forehead. We like sweet stuff too.

38.   If I’m sitting in a chair and zoning out, come on over and straddle me. Your body in my lap will perk me right up.

39.   Blindfold me with a bra. It makes me realize how incredible you feel.

40.   Lick my wrists, inner elbows, and the backs of my knees, waking up areas that had been asleep for 20 years.

41.   If you give me a naughty look while you’re going down on me. I know you’re not just tolerating it and that you love it.

42.   Straddle me, face my toes, and arch your back. Then take my hands and put them wherever you want them.

43.   Whisper how much you want me and where you want me. It sounds great, and your breath on my ear is so hot.

44.   Squeeze my biceps and triceps while we’re doing it missionary style. it makes me feel like a strong macho man.

45.   Go down on me in the shower. There’s nothing like the feeling of a warm mouth on your while warm water’s rushing down.

46.   When I’m thrusting, moan “More, more” It’s such an ego stroke.

47.   Lube your hands and dig into my sore muscles, then let your fingers trickle along my back and kiss my neck.

48.   Put your hands in the freezer, then caress my body with them. It’s awesome.

49.   When we’re changing positions, give me an oral sex break. It lasts mere seconds, but it’s unbelievable.

50.   A single spank on a bare butt is the perfect combination of playful and erotic.

51.   Plant light kisses all over me. It makes my whole body feel electrified.

52.   Tell me how wet you are, then let me touch you and explore you myself.

53.   Take your time when we kiss. Explore me with your tongue, pause and look me lovingly or naughtily in the eyes.

54.   A sexual act is 10 times hotter when you’re watching a porno and they’re doing the same thing on screen.

55.   When we’re just lying on the couch watching TV,  let your feet wander in my lap and start exploring. With you and your feet, I’ll have a definite foot fetish.

56.   I love it when you run your fingers through my chest hair or leg hair. All my follicles stand up and take notice.

57.   Don’t forget to nip at my bottom lip every now and then. It’s a bit of S and M mixed into an innocent make out session.

58.   Get on top of me and gently rock back and forth to heighten every little motion.

59.   Butt massages are totally underrated. Treat my cheeks like you would my shoulders - just some gentle kneading.

60.   Spell out naughty messages across my entire body….my legs, arms, chest. If I guess right, you act out the message.

61.   I love an errant bite on my inner thighs, the sides of my abs, and my neck.

62.   Let’s play the melting point test. Rub an ice cube along my body and don’t let me touch you until it’s dissolved. I fail every damn time.

63.   Lick the small of my back. The nerve endings there crave attention.

64.   Let’s try perpetual penetration. Bring one hand down, letting the penis “penetrate” your fist. Before the head of my penis pops out of your hand, bring the other hand up for the next penetration.

65.   Change positions but keep me inside you. Whilst in missionary grab my butt with her hands to make sure I don’t slip out, and then we’ll roll over until you are riding me wildly.

66.   With one hand on each side of my penis, pretend you’re spinning a stick of wood to make a fire- but gently, please.

67.   “Feather touch” my entire body, never staying on one spot too long.

68.   When I come. I still have a bit of semen inside. Run your hand along the base and gently squeeze the rear of my balls. It’s like having an extra orgasm.

69.   The next time you’re going down, go way down. Suck my toes and massage the soles of my feet.

70.   Let your nipple rub along my penis.

71.   Run the condom packet down the trail between my stomach and privates. It’s a terrible tease that feels great.

72.   Continue oral stimulation after I come. The most intense moments are the few seconds after orgasm- but literally only for a few seconds or it’ll hurt.

73.   While on top, grab your breasts. It’s like watching my own personal porno flick.

74.   Tease yourself with my penis, rubbing it alone your thighs and private parts as if it were a vibrator.

75.   Just as you’re about to squeeze down on my member, thrust your hips forward. The raw force of it is amazing, and its makes my orgasm so much stronger.

76.   The bottom of the scrotum is the most sensitive part of my body. Stroke it, Cuddle it, Cradle it, Love it.

77.   Leave some clothes on. The feel of your bra or panties on my skin while we’re going at it is incredible.

78.   The best move is when you relax and enjoy every moment. 

79.   Once I’ve come, keep moving your hips and squeezing your PC muscles. It’s an amazing after sex feeling.

80.   Sometimes, instead of just diving right into sex , spread a sheet between our bodies and grind over me. The heat from your body and the softness of the fabric feels incredible.

81.   If you’re on top, carefully swivel around to face my toes while I’m still inside you. I get this great twisting feeling on my penis and an amazing visual of your body.

82.   During Oral sex, wet one of your hands. then grip my penis, placing your hand right next to your lips. The combo of your wet mouth and hand makes me feel like you’re taking me all in.

83.   Dribble some sparkling wine over my nipples and lick it off slowly.

84.   Jump me any place other than the bed room. It introduces new sensations.

85.   When we’re having sex, firmly hold the base of my penis while I’m thrusting in and out. It increase friction.

86.   Who says that men don’t like after play? Once I’ve come, run your hands over my body lightly……. but definitely lightly.

87.   Tease my legs with your hair. Tease me, till we both beg for it.

88.   Touch my thighs when I touch yours. The positive reinforcement turns me on.

89.    Use your hair scrunchie or some other tie as a ring around my member. Just say your wrapping your present up till later.

90.   Let’s have kitchen sex -  taken up against the fridge. Feel the heat and little vibrations you would never notice….. if you weren’t pressed up against it naked.

91.   I love when you are cuddling next to me completely nude, to feel the rough softness of your pubic hair on my hip.

92.   While I’m on top, lift yourself up a bit and gently bite my nipple or lick my neck. It lets me know you’re into the act.

93.    Wake me up with oral sex, I’ll remember you and those lips for the rest of my life.

94.   When your in the missionary position, grab your legs and spread them even further apart. You feel so incredibly deep.

95.   I love to have really loud sex on a Tuesday afternoon. Just the idea that the neighbors might hear all the dirty things your saying drives me crazy.

96.   If you’re riding me, rub your lower abs and feel me inside you.

97.   Pay attention to the perineum- that spot between my testicles and anus. Gently press on it and may be even lick that area.

98.   Don’t be shy about your sex toys  run your vibrator along my legs and on my testicles.

99.   After sex, trace your nails over my inner thigh. You have no idea how much it preps me for round two.

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'Bye' 2010, 'Hi' 2011!

Finally we got to 2011! Oh time flies time flies. 

I think it is worth trying to look back what I have done so far in the past 2010. I think 2010 has brought me some peace, fun, and also pain. Sometimes I wonder why I could 'fell' to these type of guys which surely not my type by default. Maybe I was just in desperation? Desperate to get a hug? Or merely evil? Afterall I am human.

Relationship is always what I have been dreaming so far. A good, long-lasting relationship. However, I guess the challenge is inside me. The problem is TRUST. I think it is quite hard for me to trust anyone in this world. Once a very good-looking and caring guy 'fell' for me and I was not sure I guess I screwed it up because there are things haunting my mind everyday sicne I was with him... like 'I am not good-looking at all, he should get someone else at 'his level' - he deserves someone better than me' and 'How do I know that we are going to stay together forever - live happily ever after?' Really pathetic, isn't it?

Or maybe what I need is just ' good sex fun'? Well, I do also miss the romance... I am so complicated and fussy I guess... I hoopeI could let and give myself a chance to look for someone else...  in 2011.

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Romantic friend anyone?

Oh.. How difficult is it to find a friend who can accept me? I do not need a boyfriend, I need a romantic friend... 

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Mother

Dear Joshua,

How are you? I have been busy like crazy these days. I have been troubled in the past weeks. You know, the pressure to get married and have kid(s). No one in my family knows I am gay. But will you get married if your mom asks you to? I mean, I love my mom despite her nagging etc. Will you go 'that' far? I think I could still make a girl pregnant but I do not think I will be happy. I am always jealous with my gay friends who have the parents acceptance (well at least their moms' acceptance). But do you think, their moms would still have some kind of disappointment?

Please write back to me!

STV

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Sometimes...

"Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry. sometimes we dance, sometimes we fly. sometimes we question, sometimes we answer. sometimes sometimes is not just sometimes."

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Sometimes, what we need is just time to think...

Sketch-poster

Dear Steven,

My apology for not writing to you these days. You are worried about things, so am I. I have been worrying about my career - many people say that I have a bright future with many options - that I should be proud of and take chance of; they just simply have no clue that blessed with many options is as cursed as making the right decision. Some people argue that there is no right or wrong. Confusing, isn't it?

In the past month or so, I have contemplating to break up with my boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, he is one of the sweetest things I have ever had in my life. So far, he is one of the only people who can accept an unattractive guy like me thoroughly, yes, thoroughly. First time, we met, he came to flat, troubled, and lonely. Three months ago, he asked me out as he feels comfortable and safe around me. Coming with autism background, he clings and starts to get dependent on me. "Hug me!", begs him, every time he is around. 

Is it so selfish of me if I want to let him go? I do not want him too depended on me - as I do not think I will stay in this city, which he could not leave - and his autism prevents him to be a bit adventurous like me, moving from country to another. From a boyfriend, I have made myself more or less like a brother to him - I love him but I am not turned on anymore by him. Maybe this is because I am not that close to my own (biological) brothers - and somehow I have been trying to compensate that now (so Freudian!). Am I such a pathetic person?

It may sound so selfish of me, knowing you are troubled yourself, for me to ask some advice from you - yes, I do hope you will write back to me. I know you told me that a
dvice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't - but now, I need a second opinion. Would you do that?

It is a sad fate for a man to die too well known to everybody else, and still unknown to himself - Francis Bacon

With all my regards,

JJ

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Life Sucks, sometimes.

Dear Joshua,

How are you? Oh my life sucks now I am so confused - so crossed by people around me. Why no texts or calls from you?

Please do get back to me. I am worried.

Yours desperately,

Steven

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