Jun 26
Sometimes, what we need is just time to think...
Dear Steven,
My apology for not writing to you these days. You are worried about things, so am I. I have been worrying about my career - many people say that I have a bright future with many options - that I should be proud of and take chance of; they just simply have no clue that blessed with many options is as cursed as making the right decision. Some people argue that there is no right or wrong. Confusing, isn't it?
In the past month or so, I have contemplating to break up with my boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, he is one of the sweetest things I have ever had in my life. So far, he is one of the only people who can accept an unattractive guy like me thoroughly, yes, thoroughly. First time, we met, he came to flat, troubled, and lonely. Three months ago, he asked me out as he feels comfortable and safe around me. Coming with autism background, he clings and starts to get dependent on me. "Hug me!", begs him, every time he is around.
Is it so selfish of me if I want to let him go? I do not want him too depended on me - as I do not think I will stay in this city, which he could not leave - and his autism prevents him to be a bit adventurous like me, moving from country to another. From a boyfriend, I have made myself more or less like a brother to him - I love him but I am not turned on anymore by him. Maybe this is because I am not that close to my own (biological) brothers - and somehow I have been trying to compensate that now (so Freudian!). Am I such a pathetic person?
It may sound so selfish of me, knowing you are troubled yourself, for me to ask some advice from you - yes, I do hope you will write back to me. I know you told me that a
dvice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't - but now, I need a second opinion. Would you do that?It is a sad fate for a man to die too well known to everybody else, and still unknown to himself - Francis Bacon
With all my regards,
JJ
